Ms.Blades’s Classroom Rules
(Note the emphatic, exhortative, homiletic, didactic, pedantic, admonitory tone!)
1. You are tardy if you are not seated when the bell rings. Plan your time.
2. DO NOT ask to go to the restroom or to get adrink of water during lecture or class discussion (including group work) or Socratic Seminars or oral reading of literature or peer presentations. (Polysyndeton) Appropriate restroom times include before class, after class, during independent work, during timed writing, during timed multiple choice. (Asyndeton) In other words, go to the restroom on your time. (Distinctio) Note: Any kind of absence during timed assignments will cost you! (not hyperbole)
3. No eating or drinking in the classroom, with the exception of bottled water.
4. Do not gather in my classroom doorway, inside or outside. In the rare instance that we finish early, remain in your seat until the bell rings.
5. Do not freshen your appearance in class, specifically, no hair brushing, no fingernail painting, no make-up application. (Distinctio, Asyndeton) I reserve the prerogative to confiscate beauty items upon demand to be returned nevermore. (Chiasmus)
6. Cleanup after yourself. While I am a public servant, I am not your personal servant. (Antithesis, Epistrophe) Replace my books and classroom supplies where you found them and how you found them. (Anaphora, Parallelism) Check your area before you leave; leave it the way you found it—clean. (Epanalepsis)
7. Come to class prepared with the needed materials (binder, pens, pencils,paper). You need not be reminded that this is an PAP/AP English class; expect to write and write often—without complaining or whining. (Apophasis) Suck it up, buttercup! (Ad Hominem, Assonance) Do not whimp out on yourself or on me! (Catachresis)
8. Cellphone use is prohibited—unless the lesson warrants it. Texting while I am teaching is most disrespectful and will not be tolerated. People who text in class belong…. (Aposiopesis)9. You are taking a college (or Pre-college) course in a high school setting. I expect a level of maturity from my students that promotes your success in this class. I will not allow anyone to interfere with other students’ opportunity to earn college credit. Time is the most precious element of this course; we must use it wisely.**Re-written with a measure of rhetorical style borrowed from Donna Pauley, English Department Chair, Alvin High School